This year, we student have a super long Chinese New Year break because of weekends, and this may be a good news for most, to those who do not have to cram visiting tens of relatives in just 2 days. But for me personally, this has to be one of the bleakest Chinese New Year, for that matter, one of the worst start to the year I have ever had.
To start things of, my great-grandmother passed away a couple of days into the new year. She had a 7-day funeral and I went straight there after school everyday. During that hectic 1-week, home was as good as a hotel, I only went back to sleep.
5 weeks later, my grandmother was admitted into the ICU and passed away a few days later. She had a 5-day funeral and this time, I attended it full-day. I skipped the entire week of school, and had a friend send me my homework, which I rushed out on the weekends. Home was again a hotel, and I realised what a big part of my life my grandmother was. The paragraphs below are dedicated to her, a wonderful, noble woman.
我亲爱的阿嫲，你过得怎样？在极乐世的生活好吗？我真的真的好想你。我想念你在家里做事时的背影，我很想念你在厨房的背影。那是我从电梯大堂跑到你家是一定会看见的背影。我想念你泡给我的米洛。只有你会把牛奶加进我的米路，使其如此甜。我想念你炒的炒饭-它有它特殊的味道，也许这就是你炒饭时放的爱。我想念你的咖喱。我总是说，对于我们在外面买的咖喱，我将咖喱倒在饭上。但是，对于由你煮咖喱，我会舀一碗，并里面添加一些饭。您的咖喱是永远不会太辣，但你曾经告诉我，你会很早很早起来，为了就是做全家庭喜爱的咖喱，有时甚至像这么凌晨4点这么早。那真的辛苦你了。现在，你终于可以好好休息。即使是你在家里较健康是的日子，你不会休息太久。就算您累到能在椅子上打瞌睡，您也不会放心地去小睡一会儿。
我真后悔没有把我的童年花在和你在一起的时光，但已经过去了，现在也没有办法改变。我很喜欢陪您去看牙医。我对让你跌倒的那时感到很内疚。我应该更好的照顾您。妈妈是对的，我笨，没用脑。我应该在你身后，帮助你，直到您安全地在德士里。有多少次，我发现自己希望我能有多一个品尝你的炒饭，咖喱的机会。多 少次，我发现自己希望我能与你只有多一天，无论是在医院还是在家里还是在你最爱的四马路逛街，陪伴着你。不管做什么，可以是最简单的事情- 在不晓得你知不知道我在你的身边时抚摸着你的手。 在隔离病房的那两天，当我不知道你是否知道我在那里抚摸着你的时候，那痛苦是非笔墨可形容的。但是，比什么是更痛苦的是不能够触碰到你，不能够看到你的本人，不能够和你谈心。阿嫲，我非常向你。但我知道如果我崩溃的话，您会担心，担心我，担心妈妈。所以我不会让你担心， 我会把思念隐藏起来，即使这意味着我会在睡前自己小声地哭我也会把思念隐藏起来。我不会在别人面前哭，不会让您或他们担心我。阿嫲，我非常爱你。
但愿我来世还能做你的孙女儿。
永远爱你，思念你的孙女，
佳怡
My beloved 阿嫲,
How are you? How's life in the world of eternal happiness? I really really miss you.
I miss the view of you doing stuff at home, I miss seeing your back in the kitchen whenever I run to your house from the lift lobby.
I miss the milo you make for me. Only you would add condense milk in my milo, making it so sweet.
I miss your fried rice-- it has a special taste in it, maybe it is the love you put in when cooking.
I miss your curry. I always say that for curry we buy outside, I will drizzle curry over the rice. But for the curry cooked by you, I will scoop a bowl of it and add some rice inside. Your curry is never too spicy, but you once told me that you will wake up so so early in order to cook the curry loved by the family, like 4am. It was really hard on you. Now, you can finally rest well.
Even in the days at home when you will healthier, you wouldn't want to rest for too long, even when you were so tired you would fall asleep sitting on a chair, just because you wanted to cook for the family, even though you would never get to eat the nice, hot food that we eat. you always eat the cold leftovers, but didn't mind at all.
I really regret not spending my childhood with you, but what has passed cannot be helped. I enjoyed accompanying you to the dentist. I feel so guilty for letting you fall that once. I should have taken better care of you. Mummy is right, I don't use my brain enough. I should have been behind you to help you get in the cab.
How many times have I found myself wishing I could have one more taste of your fried rice, your curry. How many times have I found myself wishing I could have just one more day with you, whether in hospital or not, doing a simple thing like stroking your hand, not even knowing whether you knew I was there, that was painful.
But what's more painful is not being able to touch you, not being able to see you in person, not being able to talk to you.
阿嫲, I miss you so much it hurts. But I know it will hurt you even more if I collapse on Mummy. She misses you so much as well. So I will hide it, even if it means I have to cry myself to sleep so I won't cry in front of others.
阿嫲, I love you so much.
I want to be your grandchild again in my next life, and the life after that, and the one after that, and for ever and ever.
Forever loving and missing you,
JiaYi
Guys, as you probably can tell by now, I really miss my 阿嫲. I probably won't blog for a while for now, what with school work, tests, common tests and CCA on top of nursing my broken heart. So so long for now guys, and I'm sorry.
~jessykeejiayi><
